Nash Blog

Reflections on Nash, nothing serious to write.

Monday, June 12, 2006

 

To what Degree can we Forgive?

Ask this question to anyone you know, and 8/10 of the people will tell you that they are quite forgiving. Most will start preaching what their religious values are and how important the forgiver becomes.

Now, put this person in a real test.

Will you forgive a person who backed up into your brand new Beemer?

Will you forgive someone who borrowed $1000 and never paid you back?

Now girls always have best friends, tell me something, will you ever forgive you best friend if she stole your husband, ok maybe she didnt, but what if you 'suspected' she was planning to...

These are a few examples, I agree the last one was extreme.. but as humans we find it difficult to forgive.

The Quran has taught us that forgiveness makes us better person, no matter how much the other person wronged you, you should search within your heart to forgive him/her.

Our beloved prophet, the greatest man to step foot on this earth was well know in forgiveness. While announcing Islam, a lot of people turned him into their enemy and made him suffer in return. Given all those sufferings, he never stopped his mission and was always forgiving, even under extreme measures...

~ When he first announced the religion of Islam in Mecca, a lot of people opposed him. One day as he was walking around Mecca, he saw an old lady struggling with her belongings. He went up to her and asked if could be of any assistant. The lady said she was moving out of Mecca and was planning to settle somewhere quiet. Upon enquiring on the reason for her departure, the phophet (pbuh) learned that lady was leaving "... because of this man called Muhamad, he came with his religion and now people are divided, I can't stand his doctrine and its better for me to leave Mecca". Obviously the lady had no idea how Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) looked like. SO the prophet help the old lady and they started strolling away from Mecca. Throughout she kept on swearing and cursing this man with his religion. The prophet was listening to her patiently. Once she reached her destination, she thanked the prophet and asked him what his name was. He said, Muhammad. Are you the man preaching Islamic religion? Yes. The lady was amazed by this man standing in front of him and carrying her luggage. She stood there speechless and finally uttered: There is only one God and Muhammad is the messenger of God.


I hope we can all learn patience and forgiveness from our Beloved Prophet.

PS: I am by no means a religious scholar. I would appreciate corrections on any error of the above.

Comments:
This is a great post...and makes you look inside yourself. From personal experience, I have learned that it's soo healthy for your soul to forgive.
 
You can forgive... I mean you can try HARD to forgive.

But actually
there
inside your soul
you will NEVER FORGET

So even if you "forgive" your friend, your relationship will not be the same. It`s impossible.

I believe in this.

I just can be good & polite with these people. But they never will be my soulmates anymore.

I think it`s healthy. Don`t you think so?

& about "stolen husband"... thats what I don`t accept at all.
He is a sheep or what? :)
If he is a sheep... then you don`t heed him...
If he is not a sheep, then he decided himself to leave you & to go to your friend (for example), then it`s his choice.
& then you don`t have any reason to hate your friend.

Right? :)
 
I agree with the woman in black. The best reason to forgive is not because it's good for the other person, but because it's good for US! To have hatred and resentment boiling inside of us is damaging for US!

So, we try to forgive and we ask God to help us. And he will, if we are sincere and patient.

Feelings are not as important as attitudes and what we do. Those are the things that shape our hearts over time.

So...if you have an enemy you can't forgive him in your heart, pray for him! Do good things for him, if you have the opportunity. Those things you can try to do, even if your heart is bitter. And your heart will follow one day.
 
to be realistic, we don't forgive 100%. Yes, our religion urges us to be forgivers and we try to be really forgivers, but when time comes, we can't be that idealistic forgivers. Maybe our reaction can be real hard, maybe we will try to control our anger and forgive "externally", but inside we could have fire and anger toward that person.
As for your question to girls, there are many reaction could happen. Some accept what happened to keep the family united. Some refuse and maybe go further into horrible edge. Some who are much wiser could put special plans to make the husband go back and abandon the traitor. Some left the husband and prefer divorce than be just a number. But all of them will never forgive, it goes without saying dear!
Besides, the wise woman will never let her husband deal and know her female friends…no kidding. I knew one!. One of my best friends…she was sooooooooo beautiful girl…so no doubt she married after high school directly to one of her cousins. Anyway, she used to talk about me all the time to her husband till he start to think of me!!! She told me that, she said: he said: this is real girl that has real mind and real thoughts. OMG, I said to her…are you crazy, how you could talk about me to your husband…Poor Girl.
I stopped telling her my thoughts and my mind. She is so good and trust people, but her stupid husband could easily think of another woman. Sure, the real friend will never hurt his/her friend.
Another question comes here, WHY men love to look to other girls and not be thankful for their gorgeous wives?!!! :(
WoW, Nash. I never read this story even though I read many books about religious stories. From where you got this story?!!!
Impressive indeed.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Great Post…see … you can come up with great posts. ;)
 
A. Woman in Black:

Thanks for the compliments and thanks for visiting my blog.

It is true, its healthy for the forgiver, because you dont have to live with ill-feelings. But only a few ppl think that way.

Server:

I also think along the same lines, I mean we can forgive a person, but will never forget how he wronged us. I use this so I'll be careful the next time around.

The "stolen husbands" case is serious, I dont see forgiveness in this myself. Its a no go zone.

Jeff:

Words of a Saint. One thing I can say, you must be a better person than me. Frankly I dont forgive easily, but I am trying to improve myself to become a better person.

Sama:

The religion teaches us to forgive and forget, 100%, you shouldnt spare a single bit of hatred in your heart. OK, I understand hard feelings are there, after all we are humans, but remember forgiving makes you a 'bigger' person.

"Some accept what happened to keep the family united."
Hmm, interesting. I find that hard to digest though.

As for your best friend, I think she is lucky to have you as a friend, because someone else could take the opportunity. I find it very common for best friend to steal a husband, its an international disease. You need to educate your friend some more. You can't blame the husband for having those thoughts, its natural... ok, am not serious here :)

Thanks for the encouragement. I got this Hadeeth from one of the Friday prayers, so I dont have any reference unfortunately.
 
Nash:

A saint is not the same as a person who can talk like a saint online! :-D

Saints are just people who do what you say you are trying to do. Never be too proud to take one baby step. All I can do is baby steps. That's how we do everything. Just one step at a time.

I doubt I'm any better than you, you sound quite nice. I have so many faults. We both have the same ideal in front of us!
 
Nash: yea, I don't say we don't forgive and forget….sure we do…otherwise we will not be able to go on. But, I meant here, that the feelings will not be the same….the trust and counting on will disappear. For example, I forgot about "D" and what she did…yet, I couldn’t forgive her 100% because what she did was unacceptable to me… still, I talked to her and I tried to be good.
"Some accept what happened to keep the family united."
yes, I saw and heard about this many times… some real devoted ladies prefer to swallow their pains and misery to keep the family united and let the children have one family. I really respect and appreciate these ladies for their sacrifice. Maybe some selfish men can't digest this case….not you, but who do that and leave their respectable wives for new one. Yet, there are men with this same sacrifices…I knew one, divorced… he took his kids and resigned from his job because it was in other city very far from his small town…he raised his kids by himself and didn't get married again despite many families wanted him to marry one of their girls.
See, it's not a bias to women only…we can find same nature with both men and women.
Yea, my sister said so…when I told her about my dear friend and her husband. She said the same thing…another girl could take her chance to steal the other's husband. But, this is really what hard to digest …how girl could steal her best friend's husband. Oh, God, I remember one too….so sad, I have a photo for both friends together smiling beside our English teacher. "T" and "W" were best friends in high school and I really liked them both…what happened next was unexpected. W married first to a man…with one baby boy…after a while, a discord occurred between them…her husband decided to humiliate his wife by getting married to another woman, but not any woman…her best friend T. T wasn't that "best friend" as she agreed to marry him. I really shocked when some friends told me the story…how T was so stupid and rude to marry her best friend's husband. Anyway, in their wedding, W showed up with her baby boy to………………. congratulate them for their wedding with BIG smile.
WoW…she is really tough and I really liked what she did…her husband thought he humiliated her…but she didn't let him celebrate his dreamlike victory.
Good for you W…Go W Go ;)
This was many years a go…the both girls married after high school. So, I don't have more information about what happened next :(
Well, you refreshed my memory and I remembered many stories that touched me so much.
Okay, thank you for opening this dialogue…at least I remembered good stories here.
As for my best friend I told her and she is as I said trusts people, so I stopped telling her my thoughts. Another one did so, she came to visit me and she was talking about me to her husband…till he started to ask her!!!
Damn, what's wrong with you girls?!!!
Anyway, she told me that and she said funny thing: I was talking about you till he started to ask me…then I said to my self…what the hell I'm doing ? I praise my friend to my husband in way I look like a stupid ignorant know nothing beside you! Ha Ha Ha Ha …
So Funny Lolita!!
Thanks God she did right thing and didn't talk about any girl to her husband.

Yes, I reject this idea of Stealing other woman's husband, but there are many will not refuse!!!
so, Be Careful Ladies!!
 
Sama:

Nice interesting stories. You know what, it sometimes depends on trust. There is a limit to trust. For example, can you trust your best friend to go shopping with your husband?

Anyway, thanks for sharing them with us.
 
don't you think that part of the reason we find it difficult to forgive is the internal moniter telling us that we are acting like push-overs? i tend to forgive too much...and then there is the gnawing feeling in my head that i need to grow a back-bone.
 
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